


Snakes in Hats. Parceltongue.

by Lukenthius



Series: Plot Bunnies [18]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abusive guardians, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Gen, Plotbunnies, Snakes in Hats - Freeform, Story Cuts Off Suddenly, it needs to be said twice
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-15
Updated: 2019-03-15
Packaged: 2019-11-18 12:03:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18120458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lukenthius/pseuds/Lukenthius
Summary: Harry finds out he's a parcelmouth long before Hogwarts when a new face moves into Privet Drive bringing with himSnakes.In.Hats.





	Snakes in Hats. Parceltongue.

Harry sat huddled in his cupboard, listening to the sounds of the house. The Dursleys were planning on going away for a long weekend but there was no one to look after him. Mrs Figg had gotten sick and since she was so old and didn’t have anyone there to look after her she was staying at the hospital until she got better and none of Aunt Petunia’s friends would sit him after the last time.

Honestly he had nothing to do with the cat being stuck up that tree, it was chasing the squirrel.

The doorbell went off and Petunia rose to answer it, hissing a quick ‘keep quiet’ to him as she went past. “Oh, hello Steven.” Steven was the drag queen that had moved into the neighbourhood. No one knew why he wanted to move here, of all places, and despite his tendancy to dress in women’s clothes he was a nice enough guy and seemed to get along with everyone.

“Good morning Mrs. D. I heard you’re looking for someone to look after Little Harry while you and yours go on a little trip.”

“Yes, that’s right. Horrible boy just hasn’t behaved at all and I told him if he acted up he wouldn’t be coming with us. It’s just not fair to Dudley, who’s been behaving so well.”

“Yes, I get that. I wanted to ask if you would let me look after him? I used to look after my sister’s little ones sometimes so you can trust me to return him in one piece.”

“Oh, would you? Thank you so much. He’s such a handful, no one else will look after him, such a horrid child.”

“Ah, no problem. My sister’s oldest has learning difficulties so he’s a real handful. I’ll be fine with your Harry. I can pick him us Thursday evening if you want, get him out from under your feet while you’re packing, and it means you don’t have to drop him off before you go on Friday.”

“Oh, thank you so much. If you can collect him around seven, that would be great.”

“Seven it is then.”

“Oh, thank you so much.”

“Not a problem. I’ll see you Thursday.”

“Yes, see you then, goodbye.”

“Byee.”

The door shut and Petunia walked over to Harry’s cupboard. “Boy. You’re going to Steven’s house this weekend. If you do anything freakish in front of him you may not live to regret it. I will not have you scaring of another one!”

“Yes aunt Petunia!” he called back, actually excited about going to Steven’s house.

.oOo.

Harry followed Steven into his house and looked around in awe. “Wow.” There was fake branches covering the whole of one wall with strange red lights in white spherical covers spaced out along it. There were a couple of ledges along it too, on one ledge was a small green lizard of some kind. It stood up and reached out with its front legs, trying to grab a branch that was way out of its reach.

“Ah, Phoebe, you can’t reach that. Hold on.” Steven walked over and put his hand next to the thing. It crawled onto his hand and he lifted it up so it could reach the branch. “This, Harry, is Phoebe. She’s a chameleon. You see how her eyes move separately from each other?”

Harry walked over and got a closer look at her. “Yeah.”

“Well, because of that, she doesn’t have very good depth perception. So she’s always reaching out for things she can’t reach.” He reached up and held his hand out to another branch and Harry gasped as a snake with a top hat slither down. “This is Duke. He’s a Cobra.” He pointed at another snake, this one wearing a French Maid outfit. “That’s Jade, she’s an Emerald Tree Boa, and this is her Mate, Alex.” Alex was wearing a fedora. “I bought him off a guy who really doesn’t know how to look after animals.”

He lifted up something Harry had thought was a branch but now realised was actually a huge snake. “This is Hercules. He’s a Reticulated Python. My biggest.” Harry found Hercules’ head and saw he was wearing a strange green hat.

Steven then reached behind his head and fiddled with the tie on his hair for a moment before bringing his hand back with a tiny snake. “This is Penny. I sometimes forget when I’m holding her, she’s so small.”

He then took Harry around his house and showed him his other pets, including a two headed snake. “Wow... I thought they didn’t exist?”

He nodded. “They do. It’s a kind of mutation. She’s difficult to handle but not too much of a problem.” He led Harry through into the next room. There was a huge glass tank with one of those red lights. “This is the only other room in my house with a bed. That is Herc’s tank, so he’ll be your roommate while you’re here. Is that okay?”

Harry nodded. “Yeah! Snakes are cool!” he looked at the cobra around Steven’s shoulders. “But... why do they have hats?”

“ _§Hat’s are awesome! Silly small human.§_ ”

Harry’s eyes widened and he locked eyes with the cobra.


End file.
